The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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