You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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