A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
