The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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