She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
