I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The air was thick with penises
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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