I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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