I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
