I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
