what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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