we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
