Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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