You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
