Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
