I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
