Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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