I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
this is an emotional support booty call
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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