Your face is a jimmy john
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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