In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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