I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Farmville is her only friend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
