he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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