the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
