I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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