i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
