so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
