I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
