i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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