Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
