i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
