If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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