I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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