i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
