So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
