My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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