I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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