I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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