I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
