your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize