my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
