So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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