i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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