Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
