Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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