He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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