I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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