i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
