bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
