lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
