my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
