Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
