I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
