So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm at about main and main street
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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