kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
