I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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