remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
