so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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