I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
