bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
