the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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