It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
