He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
