I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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