Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
