Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
