i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
