i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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