No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
